Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Randomize
