Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
