dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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