Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
