I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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