why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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