This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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