She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
