he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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