Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
