so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
