uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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