we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
