If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
