Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
