He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize