Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize