So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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