I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize