I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
