I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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