dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
