Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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