Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
