I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
