next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
