Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
vagina is talking i cant
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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