So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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