i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
