I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
