just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
