and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
