just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
