My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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