All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
