He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize