This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
