do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize