I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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