Already got asked if we're dating
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
