I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
