Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
We need to get me chipped asap
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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