I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Randomize
