chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
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