She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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