dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I wannas sexs uuuuu
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I accidentally burped into my bong.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
and you fell through a lawn chair
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
