i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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