Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
