bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Someone came in the potted fern
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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