I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
