On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
