I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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