I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
soo... how was my night?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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