i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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