I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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