we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
