I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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