my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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