Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize