if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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