Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
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