I think i peed on brittanys purse
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
