i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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