Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
So much rum. So many feels.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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