and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Randomize
