Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
