I just cut my nipple shaving
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Randomize
