Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
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