Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
