Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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