Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize