That's intense
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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